Being in Gill's family home has brought back so many memories of the beginning of our relationship. We had been going out together for a while and Gill thought it would be great for me to meet her parents on their home turf so to speak. I wasn't particularly enthusiastic about this development for a number reasons.

 

Firstly I was Catholic. You have to remember that this was in the early 1970's. The 'troubles' had kicked off in 1968 and bombings and shootings were, by this time, part of the daily life of people in Belfast. Internment was introduced in August 1971 and around 350 people were immediately arrested and interned with no judicial process. The result was riots and violence in which 17 people died including 10 civilians.

 

In January 1972, a march against internment took place in Derry. The British army put up barricades to prevent marchers reaching the city centre and a number of marchers and onlookers confronted the soldiers manning the barricades. British paratroopers opened fire and killed 13 people and injured 14 others. The fall out of those events dubbed 'Bloody Sunday' still reverberate today with an ex paratrooper soon to stand trial for murder in connection with events on that fateful day so many, many years ago.

 

To understand the full impact of the troubles one statistic will suffice. The BBC estimates that in the 30 year period of the troubles, 3600 people died and thousands more were injured. It is almost impossible to talk to anyone in Northern Ireland who does not know someone injured by bombs or bullets. 

 

Visiting Belfast was, therefore, something that was not undertaken lightly. There was a ring of steel around the city centre and to gain access you went through large gates manned by armed soldiers who were present everywhere you turned. It was in Northern Ireland that the foundations of the surveillance state were built with everything from car number plate recognition to surveillance cameras on every street. In addition there was a constant drone from army helicopters who were positioned over areas of interest with high definition cameras watching every move of the inhabitants.

 

The IRA were indiscriminate in their bombing so you could never really feel safe. One of the worst atrocities occurred at the Le Mon hotel and restaurant. An incendiary bomb containing a napalm like substance was detonated. A fireball killed 12 people and injured 30 more. Apparently the IRA were targeting a meeting of Police officers but got the dates wrong. The IRA often gave advance warnings of their bombs but, on this occasion , they failed because the public telephone they tried to use had been vandalised. They rushed to find another phone but, in a tragic irony, were stopped and questioned by an army patrol who found out about the bomb only two minutes before it exploded.

 

You can understand why my parents were not exactly thrilled when I told them I was going to Belfast to visit my new girlfriend's parents.

 

Overlaid on this background was the normal nervousness a young man feels when meeting 'the parents'. I had met them on several occasions in Dublin but it was a different matter being a house guest. I needn't have worried. I was welcomed me as if I'd been part of the family for ever. 

 

Back in Dublin, our romance blossomed. In an effort to impress Gillian I took her to a recently opened, trendy, and very expensive restaurant. What I mean by expensive is that it was not the sort of place a prudent manager of money, especially an impecunious student, would take a date, no matter how captivating they were. I remember that we talked and talked in an easy way that I had never experienced with girl before. We just seemed to tumble from subject to subject and I knew that I had fallen into the biggest pit in my life and I never wanted to climb out. As the evening was coming to end I realised that I had to find a way to tell Gill that I had spent every last penny I had on the meal and was in no position to pay for a taxi to bring her home. She took this is good part and we walked through the icy, dark city streets still babbling away.

 

So here is my first piece of advice on the subject of evaluating a potential partner for life. Find someone who you will never tire of talking to. I know you're a long way from needing this advice but good counsel is like a fine wine. You can leave it undisturbed for years but it will be even better when the day comes that you are trying to make a big decision. You will realise that it was lying there all those years just waiting for you to pay attention to it.

 

If you were to ask me to choose the most influential and important decision I have ever made, it was that fateful decision to risk it all on the toss of a dice and tell Gill she was second on my list to ask out on a date.