Like Dr. Doolittle, Saint Francis of Assisi  could talk to the animals.  The condensed version of his most famous interaction with an animal goes as follows,

1. Wolf kills five townspeople from Gubbio

2. Distraught citizens plead with St Francis to solve the problem as apparently he has a way with the animals. Modern souvenir statues show him chatting away to doves so I guess the residents thought he was the right man for the job of dealing with a homicidal wolf.

3. St Francis arranges a meeting with the wolf and tells him, in the nicest non-confrontational way, that he is being unreasonable. 

4. Wolf replies that he was only being a wolf with words to the effect 'Hey, I'm a wolf, it's what we do. What can I say?"

5. St Francis  says he will broker a deal with townspeople that if the wolf behaves they will leave him alone. Wolf promises to behave and be less wolf like.

6. Everyone lives happily ever after.

In the spirit of scientific research I googled whether wolves actually attack humans. I was directed to the International Wolf Centre website (who knew?). They seem pretty adamant that the chance of being attacked by a wolf is, in their exact words,  'above zero but far too low to calculate.' They cite the statistic that out of 26 fatal attacks worldwide over an 18 year period, 14 of the attacks were by rabid wolves.  (How do they know this so precicely?)

So, not only was the wolf St Francis was talking to able to speak Italian, but he was also probably suffering from rabies. What are the chances of that? A true miracle!

The monk in charge of the Basilica of St Francis  souvenir shop has obviously been on a serious high-powered retail marketing course. This isn't just any old souvenir shop it's a veritable department store of Harrods proportions filled with every imaginable artefact that can be linked to St Francis no matter how tenuous the connection. There are several cavernous themed rooms with everything from soap to gilded icons. They even sold designer jewelry.

Saint Francis was born at the end of the 12th Century but here he is helping Jesus down from the cross. Strangely, there's no mention of this touching incident in the bible but I'm guessing the monks are prepared to overlook this small blooper if it boosts turnover in the trinket department. The whole concept is slightly more improbable than St Francis having been seated between Jacqui Kennedy and her husband as the presidential limousine turned into Dealy Plaza in Dallas all those years ago. I couldn't help feeling that St Francis, with a bit of entrepreneurial imagination, could have been turned into a Forrest Gump like figure and the monks could have sold statues of him comforting Mary Queen of Scots' terrier after she parted company with her head.  Even more imaginative might have been a water-filled globe with the bearded monk snorkeling in his robes helping Steve Irwin after his unfortunate encounter with a stingray.

The shop thoughtfully sold smaller shrink wrapped versions of this anachronistic event for those with less capacious suitcases. I still haven't worked out why St Francis is toying with a  blue football. I suppose it's a good talking point when you  present this unique effigy to your favourite relative.

Say what you like about the mass comercialisation of St Francis at his Basilica, at least the monks showed some taste in their choice of souvenirs. Other shops in the town were less picky or maybe appealing to a different demographic?

Wax effigy of Saint Clare at the basilica of Saint Clare, Assisi. It was obvious from the awe of the visitors that they believed this to be the actual body of the saint.

A sock allegedly belonging to St Francis with two blood stains marking the site of the stigmata he received

Improbable as it might sound, Saint Clare, who is buried in Assisi, was declared Patron Saint of Television by Pope Pious XII in 1958 a mere 705 years after her death.  The reasoning for this somewhat surprising choice is that when Saint Clare was too ill to attend mass, she could apparently see and hear it on the wall of her cell. In addition, she is also the patron saint of sore eyes but I'm not sure what the story behind that one is. Maybe watching too many masses on a low resolution monastery wall gave her eye strain. As if these patronages were not enough, the church has apparently nominated her as the patron saint of embroiderers, good weather and, wait for it, telephones.

To become aa saint you have to perform miracles. One of the more interesting miracles associated with Clare is her unfortunate encounter with a heavy door that mysteriously came off its hinges and fell on her. I think one of her biograaphers tells the story much better than I ever could.

"Once a very heavy door came off its hinges and fell on top of her, but when a number of sisters in a panic rushed to lift it off, instead of finding her crushed, she was not harmed at all and said it felt no heavier than a blanket."

Quite.

Of course Pope Pious could never have imagined that television would ultimately become a medium responsible for "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here."  Television was obviously a lot different in the 1950's. I have few memories of watching TV in the 50's but one programme I remember was broadcast by the BBC under the "Watch With Mother' title. It was the adventures of Andy Pandy.  I'm sure Saint Clare would have approved. I just can't resist putting up a video of this to show you a major influence on my childhood development.  (It's rumoured that the sound track of the singer on Andy Pandy was played to inmates at Guantanamo as a refined form of psychological torture.)